The road to regularity is always laid with best intentions

Ok, so I took the day off yesterday from any physical training, because I wasn't feeling well. After throwing up before my patrol and then throwing up later in my Iraqi battalion commander's private bathroom, I decided to "Face out, take a knee, and drink water." That is Army jargon for taking a break. I didn't feel too guilty taking the day off because I hit it pretty hard all last week between running intervals on the treadmill, spinning for hours on the exercise bike, actually swimming at the embassy pool, and doing three different insane cross-fit workouts (these last crazy sessions actually made me throw-up, too). Doc, my team medic, gave me some meds for the nausia, but they made me extremely drowsy. I went to bed last night at 1800 (6pm) and woke-up this morning at 0600 (6am). I put in a full day of work and then planned on working out tonight. I wanted to take a nice long bike ride around the FOB (place where I live), but I got bogged down in paperwork and never made it before it got dark. You don't want to ride in the dark around here. Imagine getting hit by a car. That would hurt pretty bad getting hit by a car while you are on your bike. Now imagine getting run over by a tank. It probably would hurt just as bad, but now you and your bike are just a big pile of goo laying in the dirt. So needless to say, I didn't go riding tonight. I was going to run, but that weird feeling came back in my stomach from yesterday. Not as bad, mind you, but still there. So I grab my latest copy of Outside Magazine and head to the latrine taking yet another day off from training.

Ok, so you may not know, but 80% of the world does not use a toilet. They crap in a hole in the ground. Ok maybe not 80%, someone gave me that statistic but I think it may be a little inflated, but anyway, the point is a lot of people poop in a hole in the ground. I am not one to be ethnocentric and say that using porcelain and toilet paper is the best way to go number 2, but it is the way that I prefer to go. I keep an open mind, and I am respectful of other cultures so when I am with the Iraqis I use the hole. I bring a Gatorade bottle to put my baby wipes in, because I don't want to clog the hole in the ground. They use their hands and a pitcher of water to rinse. Again, I am not here to judge, and say one way is better than the other, I'm just describing what happens.

Now, I have my Outside Magazine under my arm and I am kind of in a hurry. Now I have two options. I can use the porta-john right outside my building down the hall, or I can walk a little further to the latrine trailer that is well lit, air conditioned and actually has industrialized nations style porcelain toilets in private stalls. Very nice. I choose the later. Lately, when I've been going to the toilet trailer I've noticed that the seats are all wet. I assumed that they were still wet from the cleaning contractors servicing the trailer. So I usually take a bunch of toilet paper and wipe off the clean toilet seat and then do my business. Well, tonight I'm sitting there reading a great article about this guy from New York trying to build a cabin with his friends in Argentina, when I hear the guy in the stall next to me do his business. I was like wow, somebody else isn't feeling good either. Maybe it's the mess hall food. Then, I start hearing all this splashing in the toilet bowl. Crazy splashing in the toilet bowl. I was thinking "what the heck is going on over there?" Then it came to me like a blinding flash of the obvious. I have third world nationals that live in the same building as me. The same people in the 80% that I described earlier. Do you ever have those significantly emotional events? Those events you only have a few times in your lifetime. Those moments where you are grossed out beyond anything imaginable. Tonight was one of those moments. WELCOME TO MY WORLD.